mind my own

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Posts by mind my own

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  35

  Life and times of Metaspy

  by metaspy in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i am going to tell my story, it will probably be the dumbest thing to do.. especially since i am trying to fade.

  however, recently i have decided that i need to get.

  the ball rolling a little faster.

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  mind my own

  Fight for the girl!!!
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  35

  Life and times of Metaspy

  by metaspy in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i am going to tell my story, it will probably be the dumbest thing to do.. especially since i am trying to fade.

  however, recently i have decided that i need to get.

  the ball rolling a little faster.

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  mind my own

  Thank you for sharing your story!! Your story has moved me and I can feel your pain through your words...what an awful ordeal! I simply cannot understand why any of this happened. My heart aches for you b/c of Zelda. I am so happy for you that you have seen the light and are taking steps to get out. You do not deserve any of what happened to you. Although the right words escape me at the moment, please know I will be thinking of your story from this day forward and know, I think you are a very brave and good person! I just don't know what else to say...I feel for you.
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  36

  Pedophilia Summary

  by LennyinBluemont in

  1. watchtower
  2. scandals

  ive read barbaras intro to the pedophile records and thought it might be useful to have a record here on the forum of the most damning and verifiable facts regarding the pedophilia situation.

  sort of a summary.

  that way we can all have a source to go to and be able to quickly summarize whats criminal about the way the society has used its authority in this matter.

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  mind my own

  This will come in handy for sure! Thanks so much!

  MMO
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  40

  Wife went to bed in tears again. Sept KM this time. Her response..

  by oompa in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  ok, slowly awakening and fading at the same time for two years now, and did not plan it.

  i tell my wife last night i have been having some interesting e-mails with my dad about the qb from the sept km we are to study this week.

  she says she has read it, but does not remember it.

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  mind my own

  I agree with Roller Dave. The religeon teaches that "worldly" people are bad, evil, mean, thoughtless etc. Show her thru what kind of man and husband you are that their opinion of worldly people isn't neccessarily correct. Maybe it is your actions that will show her the light. Mind you, I think you should instill some doubt in her when you can, just subtle comments are in order. Once she doubts a little, there is room to broaden on the subject matter some...

  Regardless, I do feel for you, we all do! Our thoughts are with you!

  MMO
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  31

  Time to tell my story...

  by mind my own in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i joined a few weeks ago and have been adding my comments etc.

  pioneer or i'm out.

  pioneer.

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  mind my own

  Thank you all for your very encouraging words, it is so nice to know I am not alone in my feelings, so thanks!!

  To answer some of your questions, I was not ever DF'd as I just fell away and by the time I started doing anything that was questionable, no one knew me as a JDub so I am currently considered innactive.

  My Dad. He passed away and after that our whole family went downhill as he was the glue that had kept us together b/c my mom is/was so crazy. I was always close with my brothers as I was their protector and alot of the whole families financial support when my dad died.

  My mom broke the news to me of not attending my wedding over the phone. I was not getting married in a church, that wasn't the issue. The elders told her she was condoning my lifestyle by talking to me and accepting me so they put an end to that. Funny though - when she remarried not to long ago, I was instramental in helping her with her wedding and no one seemed to have a problem with that. I did mention this to her and she said it was talked about but "she just couldn't handle it then". So basically, once her life is great again and she no longer needs me, then she decides to apply their councel. Don't even get me started!!

  I actually don't care if I never talk to my mom again b/c she is extremely abusive and unstable. I hate her over my childhood. It was honestly so bad that I refuse to have children to this day b/c I am scared I wouldn't be a good mom. I am SO upset by this b/c of how it was handled!! And, she is the biggest hypocrite!! She is a raging alcoholic and was seeing a worldly guy when she was single. I told her that she was a hypocrite on "the" phone call and told her why. I asked her if she told her elders any of this and she said she "mentioned" it to them. I really doubt that very much. I bet if I told them what I know, they would have a much different version!! She's a regular pioneer and all she bragged about is how much everyone looks up to her and buys her stuff. Gross. I only maintained a relationship with my mom b/c I knew she needed me more than I needed her and I really always was hoping for a normal relationship with her. After all, she is the only parent I have left.

  Thanks for helping me guys, I really appreciate all of you!

  MMO
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  31

  Time to tell my story...

  by mind my own in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i joined a few weeks ago and have been adding my comments etc.

  pioneer or i'm out.

  pioneer.

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  mind my own

  Thank you all for your support!

  MMO
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  84

  Our PO just confess to one of us: He doesn't believe anymore

  by outofthebox in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  maybe we are the crazy ones!

  but, after a chat with the po of our congo, we felt a little better with the knowledge that we are not alone on the inside.

  let us explain .... today we went to the ministry as every saturday :(.

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  mind my own

  I know I don't know you, and I hope beyond all hope that I am wrong...but, this just doesn't sound right. Something is wrong with this story as I find it hard to believe that your PO would just come out and say these things to you.

  Sorry for being skepticle, but I something doesn't feel right about this!
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  31

  Time to tell my story...

  by mind my own in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i joined a few weeks ago and have been adding my comments etc.

  pioneer or i'm out.

  pioneer.

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  mind my own

  Anyhow, I knew what I was doing was wrong and my conscience was bothering me so I went to the elders. They formed a JC and I told them everything. They were asking really gross, perverted questions which I thought was wrong b/c I had already told them pretty specifically what I had done. I was harshly reprimanded and told I wasn't showing a repentant attitude! Sick. After our meeting, they met for 1/2 hour or so to determine if I was repentant or not. I was told I was and that I would be privately reproved. The thing is, I did feel really bad b/c I knew logically what I had done was wrong. But I wasn't really that sorry. I felt guilt b/c I was going against what I was taught but honestly, I wasn't sorry. This was a defining moment for me b/c I knew if Jeh. holy spirit were there then he would have told the JC I wasn't repentant. My dad was an elder and they approached him and told him they were considering removing his privledges b/c of my living under his roof and guidance. I promptly moved out to save him.

  I didn't attend meetings regularily in my new cong. I was just drifting away. I told the elders I needed help but they didn't provide any help. My friends were abandoning me b/c I was falling away. This made me very angry b/c I had always been there for them through thick and thin and they just leave me when I needed them the most! Just for the record, I didn't do anything that was considered a disfellowshiping offense for 3 years after I left. I just left b/c it felt wrong and the hypocracy of the whole situation bothered me. There was no help when I needed it. My gut told me this was all wrong!!

  Fast forward to more recently. I have been out of the borg now for over 12 years. One of my bros has also left. My other bro is completely entrenched in the borg and my dad is no longer in the picture. I was always close with both of my bros b/c that was very important to me. I still talked to my mom even though I felt like I shouldn't talk to her b/c of my abusive childhood and her HYPOCRACY in the religeon. I met a wonderful man and became engaged. My mom was so happy for me as she loves my now husband. She threw me and engagement party and was so happy for me. 2 weeks before my wedding she called me and told me that the elders in her hall approached her hearing I was getting married and told her she shouldn't come to my wedding and she shouldn't be talking to me. And just like that, her and my brother were not coming and had realized that "all this time, they had been doing things wrong in talking to me" and that is it, just like that.

  I never considered myself an apostate before now. I didn't agree with things (after more than 10 years out you sure see things more clearly) but after this happened to me I can honestly say I am full of hate and anger at the whole situation. This is a VERY condensed version of my story as I could write for days every little detail. But I just wanted you all to know some of what brought me here today.

  Thank you for your time!
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  31

  Time to tell my story...

  by mind my own in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i joined a few weeks ago and have been adding my comments etc.

  pioneer or i'm out.

  pioneer.

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  mind my own

  Hello All:

  I joined a few weeks ago and have been adding my comments etc. When I first joined, I did say hello and say I was new and I have to just say I really appreciated your kind comments and you welcoming me to the site! I promised I would tell my story and so here goes: I hope this doesn't end up being too long winded!

  I was born into the "truth" as my parents were studying when I was born. They were both baptised when I was 1 year old, therefore I knew nothing but the religeon. I have to say I had an extremely unhappy childhood as my Mom was extremely abusive and my Dad was always just trying to manage her so it was a very confusing time for me growing up. I was beat on a regular basis as it seemed to be their answer for everything (I just HATED the whole "use the rod" scripture as you have no idea what that meant to me). I have hardly any fond memories of growing up. It was just a blur of service, meetings, harsh and cruel discipline, feeling very ostrasized etc. I honestly am still coming to terms with it and can hardly speak of my childhood...so I will move on, thanks for your understanding!

  One of my first teenage memories was a certain family study - I know that family study was supposed to be a time when families come together to discuss whatever matters pertain to the family and then go over the bookstudy for the week or watchtower, whatever (at least this is what was encouraged from the brothers giving the talks). However in my family it was used by my mom to nag us about what we were doing wrong and it was so degrading that it made the mood of the following study very bleak and discouraging. She would yell and scream and threaten us. I dreaded those family studies!! If we didn't show a certain level of enthusiasm and comment with insight and understanding she would go into one of her fits of yelling, rage and possibly worse. Anyhow, I was barely 12 years old when this particular study took place. It started with her attacking me saying, "you don't want to get baptised!". What? I hadn't really thought about it much to that point b/c I was just a kid and in no way was I ready. However, this wasn't going to be an easy discussion. She ranted and raved and the discussion deteriorated to the point where she and my dad actually said I would be kicked out of the house if I didn't take considering the step of baptism (and soon) very seriously. Well, nothing strikes fear into a kid than not having a place to live so voila, I suddenly determined I was ready to get baptised! My dad talked to the elders for me and they set up a meeting with me to go over the baptism questions. I was sincere and thought I was doing the right thing so obviously the elders seen this and they determined I was ready to be baptised. Honestly, in my heart of hearts, I knew I wasn't ready yet but I loved Jehovah and was very excited. The praise from my mom and dad didn't hurt either! I have to say this was one of my first moments of knowing things weren't right...couldn't Jehovah's holy spirit show the elders I was just a child and I wasn't ready for this? Apparently not.

  Fast forward to my later teen years. My last year of high school. I was in a work experience program with my school and I was doing admin type work for a very prestigeous oil and gas company. When my term was almost over, I was approached by one of the executives at this company and told I should apply for a certain FULL time position which they would put a good word in for me and I would most likely get. I was sooo excited! I remember thinking on my break I should call my mom and tell her. I was so nervous though. Why? Well, I called her and told her what I was told by my superiors at work and how happy I was to be considered in this way. Whoa. Wrong thing to say!! She went crazy and said I was expected to regular pioneer after I graduated and I would be kicked out if I didn't. She yelled and screamed and threatened. I was 17 years old at the time. I didn't know what to do. There was a certain young brother in my cong. at the time that she always compared me to and again said I should be like him and pioneer like him, how dare I embarass the family etc. etc. etc. I got home that night and she had worked my dad into a frenzy in the mean time and he backed her up. Pioneer or I'm out. Hence, I started pioneering.

  It was at this time I fell into a deep depression. I had obtained part time work and was pioneering. My whole life was work, service, personal study, service, service, service, service. I just couldn't take it any more. I was deeply, deeply depressed. I went to pioneer school and decided shortly after to just aux. pioneer. About this time I started to "stray" a little and began to make a few "worldly" friends at work etc. I started to see someone who wasn't a witness and we fooled around a little. We didn't ever sleep together but we were doing innapropriate things if you catch my drift...

  I'm going to stop here and post more shortly...thanks for understanding.
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  65

  DF and heartbroken

  by cassyrene in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  let me begin by saying that i never expected to even talk about my situation let alone discuss it on the internet but i guess im just feeling so sad that i must hope that someone will understand and give me encouragement...so here it goes.. .

  but the more active i got, the more abusive my stepmother became.

  ironically, he sent my stepmother to the wedding.

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  mind my own

  cassyrene:

  My heart goes out to you, I feel your pain. Although I have never been disfellowshiped, a very similar thing happened to me with my family just a few months ago when I was getting married. There is something about things being "final" even though you know at some point its coming. I don't have advise on how to make you feel better b/c I am still working through it myself. I have tried to fully immerse myself in my current life with my new husband and my friends. They are my family!

  I will be thinking of you, and know you are not alone in how you feel!

  MMO